Agent Michigan
The first thing I see about this bio is that it's quick and doesn't elaborate. It's really the skeleton of a bio. A good bio is a character contingency plan for an OC. It keeps her personality becoming wishywashy and suddenly acquiring extra skills at just the right moment. You don't have to post it on the internet with all the spoilers for everyone to read, but writing it down somewhere crystallizes it rather than having it as an amorphous idea at the back of your head. That said, let's get going.
The first unlucky problem is you chose an outdated bio sheet. I separated the flaws from the personality so there were fewer MarySues but I realised later that this segregates it from the character's personality when really flaws are what drive our personality. If you redo your bio, and I hope you do so I can finish up her template, combine the two. as I've kinda done here and lead with her fatal flaw.
Why? Flaws drive the character, as said. They're why a character makes mistakes, why they clash with other characters, why we're reading the story. We want to see broken become fixed. These are struggles and conflicts and a story evolves when we like a character enough to want them to overcome these things and cheer them on.
Name: [NAME REDACTED, LEVEL TWO]
Age: 26
Alias: Agent Michigan, "Mitch"
Nationality: American
Appearance: Has shoulder length dark auburn hair, green eyes and fair complexion. Her build is slim with some muscle, smaller compared to other Freelancers. Has a prosthetic right arm with a shoulder socket and thin piece of metal up to the base of her neck.
Personality: er most admirable trait is her tenacity. She refuses to give up on anything and is determined to get things done, no matter what. Given the circumstances, she has a hard time adjusting to her new surroundings and is slow to trust. She is not a morning person, often angry at the world unless she has caffeine in her system. She is slow to trust, given her circumstances, and often closed in when meeting new people. Sometimes, her tenacity is also read as stubbornness, for sometimes she doesn't know when to quit, which also make her seem reckless at times.
Wow, this is short. So short that even when combined with her flaws it's still shorter than her back story. This is a worry because it's an indication that you don't quite know Michigan's character and niche. What I see is a bunch of statements pushed together in a paragraph. Cohesion is what you're looking for, every part of her bio should be feel connected because our personality influences everything, from the way they style their hair to the way the weapons they choose to the way they use their enhancement.
It's not the what, but the why and the how and that's why you should embellish your bio. Lots of people have short auburn hair, but how and why. Is it short, slicked down and oily because she's lazy? Styled, shampooed and conditioned because she's vain? Or maybe she's self conscious. If she's self conscious, what kind of weapon would she pick? How would she wield it? How does she get on with others How would she get on with the Director? What would she do if he encouraged her, berated her?
Part of your writers block might be that you just don't know where Michigan wants to go. From her backstory she has problems with authority, but she sure is striving for Carolina's approval. Being detailed in your bio avoids these contradictions.
But it all starts from from the bio, and really it all starts from one single driving impulse. They say Fight or Flight? When the pressure is on, this is how she will react. You have the idea in her main personality description, Tenacity but as I said, Flaws make the character. Really it's the same thing but the reader doesn't have to know that, just word choice. Maybe stubborn, hardheaded, willful... It's both the refusal to give up which is her main trait. Then just expand on it. In this case the main things you need to know about are;
Michigan is one word, eg stubborn
How does this affect her personal life in a negative way? You've said she doesn't trust, so she's overly suspicious and may jump to the worst about everybody.
How does this affect her personal life in positive way? Admired for her work ethic, considered dependable, once she says she'll do something, she'll do it come hell or high water.
How does this affect her professional life in a negative way? Being stubborn means she may disregard orders because she thinks she's right (she's young, inexperienced and often is), ignores experience and will obstinately resist authority regardless of intentions.
How does this affect her professional life in a positive way? She will do anything to complete her objective. Once in, she won't give up.
Freelancer Story: After getting her prosthetic, the Oversight Committee declared Michigan as property of the UNSC. Her mother pulled a few strings and managed to put her daughter into Project Freelancer.
Specialization: Infiltration, Sabotage
Expand, how did she get into this field and why. Why is she the best man for the job. What are her tools for the trade
Armor: Mk VI armor with CQC helmet and no shoulder armor plating, modified to accommodate prosthetic.
I think you mean CQB, but also include colours here.
Armor Enhancement: Certified for the Stasis module, capable of slowing down targets.
How is it operated, how complex, how does she use it in missions what are it's weaknesses, how does it appear visably.
AI: Zeta, its attribute "Caution," was paired with Michigan to keep her reckless behavior in line. Other than powering her Armor enhancement, Zeta is also capable of hacking into anything electronic, ranging from computers and laptops to communication systems to opening locks. Unfortunately, Zeta can't do both at the same time.
I'll start by suggesting changing his identity because there are a helova lot of Zeta's out there. I can count off five right now... On the other hand almost no one chooses the middle letters like Kappa, Lambda, Xi, Rho... very uncommon. You also want to expand here? What is his avatar, why did he chose it? How does Michigan feel about Zeta? How does he affect her personality? How does she feel about 'keeping her reckless behaviour in line'? How does Zeta feel about Michigan?
Preferred Weapons and Fighting Techniques: When on a mission, she prefers to find the right path instead of the quickest way around, trying to use stealth while minimizing casualties . However, if she gets caught by the opposition, she pulls out her Plan B, which is to quickly kill anyone who would stand in her way while making as much noise as possible.
This makes me cock my head because those seem like the two options available, one or other. Fix this by extrapolating, how and why? How does she minimise casualties, why does she minimise casualties What are her ethics on killing? That said, this is more appropriate under the Specialisation sections, this part is for weapons she uses, you've indicated batons, and fighting style. Taekwondo or gunfu? Kungfu or capoeira? Different styles, different philosophies that give further insight into Michigan.
Backstory: She had a typical childhood with not-so-typical parents. Her mother, [NAME REDACTED, LEVEL TWO], was a medical doctor, renowned in the field of prosthetics. Her father, [NAME REDACTED, LEVEL TWO] became a military scientist to develop and improve weapons during the Great War. Both parents were focused on their work, but their daughter was always their first priority.
Records indicate that her fighting skills had started to show when she was young. When she was eight, she took her father's Magnum out of its display case, went outside and fired it at a soda can with almost perfect accuracy from approximately 50 yards. According to her permanent record in school, she also got in trouble numerous times for getting into fights with other students, usually in defense of someone else. Other incidents include climbing to dangerous places such as trees or rooftops, backtalking to the teachers and breaking into the school after hours.
When she was eighteen, she had been arrested for multiple charges of breaking and entering and the judge gave her an option, Marines or Jail Time. Even when joining the Marines, she gave her CO problems.
She was on shore leave after Basic when the Covenant attacked her home. She was helping with the evacuation of civilians when a Zealot-Class Elite entered the landing zone and laid fire on anything that moved. She killed it, losing her right arm and almost her life
Look at her fellow Freelancer's as a guide, they have no back story. We have a few hints, York frequented bars and the twins were given rides by their father but otherwise they're mundane. Why? First is empathy, few of us had childhoods filled with prison time. Second is a angsty background is this heavy weight the OC has to drag after them like a bridal train, getting caught on things and being a general nuisance. And considering what Freelancer has planned for her, Michigan is turning into a puff pastry of angst, labelled in the writer's world as Wangst which just makes everyone rolls their eyes. 'Oh, did her dog get run over too?'
Add to that the gun story. Why is her parents leaving guns and ammo around? They're in the military so they should know gun safety! How did she even know how to load it? Her perfect aim at an eight year old can hold a magnum, a gun with heavy kickback for its size? My experience with guns is limited but it's a discipline, a skill that many people work hard to perfect. It's insulting to have some writer who knows nothing about guns to just say 'she got it in one shot'. Ask yourself, why you want Michigan to be so effortlessly perfect. Why is this important enough to be included in the bio when other more pertinent details weren't.
Quotes:
"I'm sorry that you're such a petty little bitch."
"My head's exploded and there's a jackhammer in my chest. Other than that, I'm fuckin' peachy."
All in all I'd say it doesn't have your usual pizazz and attention to detail and I think that's all that's really needed to make this work. You said you were losing drive, this might be a way to give Michigan new life, getting to know her better and her role in Freelancer. Where is she going to be come the final showdown?
The first unlucky problem is you chose an outdated bio sheet. I separated the flaws from the personality so there were fewer MarySues but I realised later that this segregates it from the character's personality when really flaws are what drive our personality. If you redo your bio, and I hope you do so I can finish up her template, combine the two. as I've kinda done here and lead with her fatal flaw.
Why? Flaws drive the character, as said. They're why a character makes mistakes, why they clash with other characters, why we're reading the story. We want to see broken become fixed. These are struggles and conflicts and a story evolves when we like a character enough to want them to overcome these things and cheer them on.
Name: [NAME REDACTED, LEVEL TWO]
Age: 26
Alias: Agent Michigan, "Mitch"
Nationality: American
Appearance: Has shoulder length dark auburn hair, green eyes and fair complexion. Her build is slim with some muscle, smaller compared to other Freelancers. Has a prosthetic right arm with a shoulder socket and thin piece of metal up to the base of her neck.
Personality: er most admirable trait is her tenacity. She refuses to give up on anything and is determined to get things done, no matter what. Given the circumstances, she has a hard time adjusting to her new surroundings and is slow to trust. She is not a morning person, often angry at the world unless she has caffeine in her system. She is slow to trust, given her circumstances, and often closed in when meeting new people. Sometimes, her tenacity is also read as stubbornness, for sometimes she doesn't know when to quit, which also make her seem reckless at times.
Wow, this is short. So short that even when combined with her flaws it's still shorter than her back story. This is a worry because it's an indication that you don't quite know Michigan's character and niche. What I see is a bunch of statements pushed together in a paragraph. Cohesion is what you're looking for, every part of her bio should be feel connected because our personality influences everything, from the way they style their hair to the way the weapons they choose to the way they use their enhancement.
It's not the what, but the why and the how and that's why you should embellish your bio. Lots of people have short auburn hair, but how and why. Is it short, slicked down and oily because she's lazy? Styled, shampooed and conditioned because she's vain? Or maybe she's self conscious. If she's self conscious, what kind of weapon would she pick? How would she wield it? How does she get on with others How would she get on with the Director? What would she do if he encouraged her, berated her?
Part of your writers block might be that you just don't know where Michigan wants to go. From her backstory she has problems with authority, but she sure is striving for Carolina's approval. Being detailed in your bio avoids these contradictions.
But it all starts from from the bio, and really it all starts from one single driving impulse. They say Fight or Flight? When the pressure is on, this is how she will react. You have the idea in her main personality description, Tenacity but as I said, Flaws make the character. Really it's the same thing but the reader doesn't have to know that, just word choice. Maybe stubborn, hardheaded, willful... It's both the refusal to give up which is her main trait. Then just expand on it. In this case the main things you need to know about are;
Michigan is one word, eg stubborn
How does this affect her personal life in a negative way? You've said she doesn't trust, so she's overly suspicious and may jump to the worst about everybody.
How does this affect her personal life in positive way? Admired for her work ethic, considered dependable, once she says she'll do something, she'll do it come hell or high water.
How does this affect her professional life in a negative way? Being stubborn means she may disregard orders because she thinks she's right (she's young, inexperienced and often is), ignores experience and will obstinately resist authority regardless of intentions.
How does this affect her professional life in a positive way? She will do anything to complete her objective. Once in, she won't give up.
Freelancer Story: After getting her prosthetic, the Oversight Committee declared Michigan as property of the UNSC. Her mother pulled a few strings and managed to put her daughter into Project Freelancer.
Specialization: Infiltration, Sabotage
Expand, how did she get into this field and why. Why is she the best man for the job. What are her tools for the trade
Armor: Mk VI armor with CQC helmet and no shoulder armor plating, modified to accommodate prosthetic.
I think you mean CQB, but also include colours here.
Armor Enhancement: Certified for the Stasis module, capable of slowing down targets.
How is it operated, how complex, how does she use it in missions what are it's weaknesses, how does it appear visably.
AI: Zeta, its attribute "Caution," was paired with Michigan to keep her reckless behavior in line. Other than powering her Armor enhancement, Zeta is also capable of hacking into anything electronic, ranging from computers and laptops to communication systems to opening locks. Unfortunately, Zeta can't do both at the same time.
I'll start by suggesting changing his identity because there are a helova lot of Zeta's out there. I can count off five right now... On the other hand almost no one chooses the middle letters like Kappa, Lambda, Xi, Rho... very uncommon. You also want to expand here? What is his avatar, why did he chose it? How does Michigan feel about Zeta? How does he affect her personality? How does she feel about 'keeping her reckless behaviour in line'? How does Zeta feel about Michigan?
Preferred Weapons and Fighting Techniques: When on a mission, she prefers to find the right path instead of the quickest way around, trying to use stealth while minimizing casualties . However, if she gets caught by the opposition, she pulls out her Plan B, which is to quickly kill anyone who would stand in her way while making as much noise as possible.
This makes me cock my head because those seem like the two options available, one or other. Fix this by extrapolating, how and why? How does she minimise casualties, why does she minimise casualties What are her ethics on killing? That said, this is more appropriate under the Specialisation sections, this part is for weapons she uses, you've indicated batons, and fighting style. Taekwondo or gunfu? Kungfu or capoeira? Different styles, different philosophies that give further insight into Michigan.
Backstory: She had a typical childhood with not-so-typical parents. Her mother, [NAME REDACTED, LEVEL TWO], was a medical doctor, renowned in the field of prosthetics. Her father, [NAME REDACTED, LEVEL TWO] became a military scientist to develop and improve weapons during the Great War. Both parents were focused on their work, but their daughter was always their first priority.
Records indicate that her fighting skills had started to show when she was young. When she was eight, she took her father's Magnum out of its display case, went outside and fired it at a soda can with almost perfect accuracy from approximately 50 yards. According to her permanent record in school, she also got in trouble numerous times for getting into fights with other students, usually in defense of someone else. Other incidents include climbing to dangerous places such as trees or rooftops, backtalking to the teachers and breaking into the school after hours.
When she was eighteen, she had been arrested for multiple charges of breaking and entering and the judge gave her an option, Marines or Jail Time. Even when joining the Marines, she gave her CO problems.
She was on shore leave after Basic when the Covenant attacked her home. She was helping with the evacuation of civilians when a Zealot-Class Elite entered the landing zone and laid fire on anything that moved. She killed it, losing her right arm and almost her life
Look at her fellow Freelancer's as a guide, they have no back story. We have a few hints, York frequented bars and the twins were given rides by their father but otherwise they're mundane. Why? First is empathy, few of us had childhoods filled with prison time. Second is a angsty background is this heavy weight the OC has to drag after them like a bridal train, getting caught on things and being a general nuisance. And considering what Freelancer has planned for her, Michigan is turning into a puff pastry of angst, labelled in the writer's world as Wangst which just makes everyone rolls their eyes. 'Oh, did her dog get run over too?'
Add to that the gun story. Why is her parents leaving guns and ammo around? They're in the military so they should know gun safety! How did she even know how to load it? Her perfect aim at an eight year old can hold a magnum, a gun with heavy kickback for its size? My experience with guns is limited but it's a discipline, a skill that many people work hard to perfect. It's insulting to have some writer who knows nothing about guns to just say 'she got it in one shot'. Ask yourself, why you want Michigan to be so effortlessly perfect. Why is this important enough to be included in the bio when other more pertinent details weren't.
Quotes:
"I'm sorry that you're such a petty little bitch."
"My head's exploded and there's a jackhammer in my chest. Other than that, I'm fuckin' peachy."
All in all I'd say it doesn't have your usual pizazz and attention to detail and I think that's all that's really needed to make this work. You said you were losing drive, this might be a way to give Michigan new life, getting to know her better and her role in Freelancer. Where is she going to be come the final showdown?